Friday, 31 August 2012

The Silence of the Ladak

"Oh, it's all gone quiet over there!"
Unsurprisingly the rapid burst of official statements from our major shareholder has trailed off to nothing.  I fear those expecting yet another crisis meeting, where this week's top table lay out just how much shite we're in, may be disappointed.  Not that we're clear of the brown stuff.  I'm not sure we ever will be.  It's more to do with the fact that even Imraan must know he has absolutely nothing to tell us.  There are only so many times he can be the boy that cried "Prospective investors", and expect to be believed.

Of course, he wasn't always so reticent to let us know how things stood.  Years ago he rolled up to the Tin Hat with a big plan for the lounge to raise tens of thousands per week.  We all laughed in his face, but he was certain it could be done.  Seemingly he believed that after attending a successful race night that raised well over a grand, he couldn't understand why this couldn't be done almost daily! 

On an earlier visit to the Social Club he was offering anyone bets that his recent acquisition, the incredible goal machine otherwise known as Patrick Peter would bag 20 goals in the forthcoming season.  We were so shocked by this statement, having seen PP flit around the pitch to absolutely no effect for a few weeks that very few took him up on the bet.  We may be a bunch of hicks who don't own our own companies, but we flatter ourselves we can spot a shit footballer when we see one.  We have seen enough after all!

He managed to con enough of us that Project Certain Death (a.k.a. Nene Park) would be practically self-financing due to the enormous numbers of sponsors falling over each other to invest in the club. He may not have actually said, "we'll have so much investment that we'll have to beat prospective sponsors off with a stick", but may just have well done.

Now I come to think of it, we had years to realise what an incredibly naive fantasist we were dealing with, but, to our continued shame and regret, we overlooked this whilst DRC cash paid for our success.  Given Ladak's wretched business failures whilst at the Poppies: -

  • Shop in town selling expensive shite, provided you paid cash
  • Burger bar in car park taking business from burger bars in the ground
  • Likewise the plan to have "dolly birds" selling Klondike tickets which lasted all of one game
  • A-line Insurance, where you might get a call back in a fortnight after emailing them
  • Shaolin Chinese Takeaway, situated in an empty football ground outside a tiny village, not offering free delivery as far as Kettering!
  • "Budgeting" with the assumption that a company you no longer own will continue to pay for the world class collection of talentless tubbies you've put on 2-year contracts

One can only assume that making money out of supplying locum doctors is as easy as falling off a log, or surely he'd have f*cked this up as well.

So, don't expect an announcement any time soon that he is happy to stand up and answer slightly sticky questions such as: -

  1. Why exactly is he so desperate to remain at Non Park, as opposed to giving us a fighting chance of survival elsewhere? 
  2. Why allow only George Rolls to put any events on at the club, given he is legally not allowed to put any profits into the club itself. 
  3. Or, who the hell are Ray and Jay?

We understand the answers to the above may well be: -

  1. He is supposed to have signed a contract with Cousins making his personal welfare, and his kneecaps dependent on continued payment of our sky-high rent.  Tip - next time you're offered a contact, do yourself a favour and read the f*cking thing!
  2. He still believes he will be able to sign the club over to honest George, 5-year ban or not.  Perhaps he intends to talk the FA around to his point of view.  Just like he did with Kettering Borough Council and Ben Pickering....
  3. Aren't they the main protagonists of Men in Black? 

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