Wednesday, 1 August 2012

The Midland Muppets Part One

Hopefully we'll get through these bloody Micky Mouse teams before they start beating us!

The real reason Banbury's
youth teams disbanded?
Banbury United FC

Miles from the Holy City - 50
Population of town - 45,000
Ground Capacity - 2,000
Home Colours - All red
Nickname - The Puritans
Average Home Attendance Last Season - 273

"Must Know" Facts - Glam rocker and kiddie fiddler Gary Glitter is Banbury's secret shame.

Barwell FC

Miles from the Holy City - 37
Population of town - 8,750
Ground Capacity - 2,500
Home Colours - Yellow & Green
Nickname - The Kirkby Rovers (eh?)
Average Home Attendance Last Season - 168

"Must Know" Facts - In 1965 Barwell was showered with fragments of meteorite.  If we were in a comic there would be at least one inhabitant of Barwell walking around today leading a double life as a superhero.  As we are in the boring real world instead a man in the village got gypped by his insurance company for his smashed-up car, claiming it was "An Act of God".  The local vicar didn't agree and told the man to do one as well. 

Before Marcus Law took over at Rockingham Road no-one at Kettering had even so much as heard of Barwell, let alone where it was.  And now we're playing them....Sob!

Bedworth United FC

Miles from the Holy City - 36
Population of town - 32,000
Ground Capacity - 3,000
Home Colours - Green and white
Nickname - The Greenbacks
Average Home Attendance Last Season - 164

"Must Know" Facts - The man voted most likely to be found drowned in his own vomit after a drug cocktail binge, Pete Doherty, attended college in Bedworth.  It must make their hearts swell with pride everytime his wasted, talentless pasty face is shown on television either entering a police station or court house. 

The man voted most likely to collapse under his own immense, uncoordinated bulk, Ian Roper is current club captain at Bedworth.  And yes, we'd have him back in a heartbeat!

No comments:

Post a Comment